


Pearl Gets Drunk and Wrecks the Carnival

by Void_Felinoid



Series: Drunk Pearl [3]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Drinking, Drunk Lapis Lazuli, Drunk Pearl, F/F, Implied making out, Not actually a romance fic, Space Gays, funland - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-29
Updated: 2016-07-29
Packaged: 2018-07-27 09:49:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 757
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7613392
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Void_Felinoid/pseuds/Void_Felinoid
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Drinking alone isn't fun; drinking with Lapis is.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pearl Gets Drunk and Wrecks the Carnival

Steven's out with Peridot and Amethyst; and Garnet's wherever she is, doing Garnet things, maybe; meaning Pearl is all alone and without a drinking buddy. Not that that means she isn't going to drink, mind you, it just means that it's not going to be near as fun.

 

Waiting, waiting, waiting.

 

Drinking alone isn't fun at all, Pearl thinks. Maybe she just needs some tunes to dance to. She locates a wailing stone, which she mistakes for a radio, and turns it on, lying back to relax with her favorite song on.

 

Garnet suddenly appears over Pearl, with an upset look, and she turns off the wailing stone. “Whoa-hey, Garno,” Pearl says, getting up, “Y'wanna hang out with ol' Pearly?”

 

“The wailing stones are not toys, Pearl,” Garnet replies, setting the wailing stone on top of the refrigerator, where Pearl can't reach, “And no, I still have important business to take care of; go hang out with Lapis if you're so desperate.”

 

“Maybe I will.” Garnet didn't hear this low grumble from Pearl, since she had already warped away. Pearl takes those words into considering, and repeats herself, “Maybe I will.”

 

Though it took a while, Pearl finally managed to stumble her way to the barn, and finds Lapis Lazuli, reading a book on- who cares. Pearl doesn't care. I doubt you care. I sure don't.

 

“What are you-” Y'know what I doubt you really care about any of this, I mean, we aren't here to listen to 700 words of useless dialogue, so lets just skip to the good part when they start drinking.

 

Also, Pearl convinces Lapis to drink with her; don't ask how.

 

“Ya know, Perpy,” Lapis says, throwing her hands up into the air, accidentally causing the nearby body of water to shoot up with two large hands, “This booze, this uh... this booze is real good.”

 

“I know, righ'?” Pearl asks, stumbling up and over to the water, “How you do that, Lup? With the, the hands, an' uh... yeah.”

 

“How I do what?” Lapis asks in response, putting up a smug face and slapping Pearl on the ass with a water hand. Pearl yelps at the slap, and turns around to the hand, waving her finger at it.

 

“Ah, ya know, Luffy,” Pearl says, setting herself back down next to Lapis, “I'm bored a' fuck; wanna hit the carnvarn?”

 

“Yeah,” Lapis replies, trying to get up, proceeded by her falling back down onto her back, “Carnvarn souns fun, but my legs're jello.”

 

“Jello shot?” Pearl asks, closely inspecting Lapis' legs, “Nah, those shits is uh, light, or somethin'... oh, butchu can fly us to tha carival, right?”

 

“Bitch,” Lapis replies, sitting herself back up, “When you always been a genius, palp?”

 

Our two gays later rushed off in a whirlwind of gayety and gayness, and probably did some gay stuff beforehand, like makeout or something, who knows. This isn't a romance fic, so I'm afraid that's reserved for a different story; probably written by someone that can actually write romance.

 

Returning to our gays, we find them above Funland, spouting insults and curses to all of the patrons that are too far below them to hear.

 

“Lap, Lop,” Pearl says, tugging on Lapis, “Fly me, fly uh, us, yeah, fly over there.” She points to the ferris wheel.

 

Also, I can't remember if Funland has a ferris wheel or not, but lets just say that in this AU they built a ferris wheel, okay?

 

“Frick yea, Porky,” Lapis replies, Pearl getting offended at Lapis calling her Porky, “We're gonna crash this bish.”

 

Lapis takes a course straight for the ferris wheel, and crashes into it, causing them both to **DI** \- no, oh, they are actually still alive. Well, that's a development.

 

The ferris wheel does, however, get unhinged, and begins rolling through the carnival, y'know, like in every piece of media that involves a carnival ever. Lots of people are dying and stuff, but Pearl and Lapis are still safe and sound, flying around Funland, tripping people that are running from the wheel of death.

 

“Thish is sooo fun,” Lapis says, swerving around in her flight, making Pearl sick as hell, “Paller, why don' we hang out more?”

 

“I don'-” Pearl says, pausing to throw up, with most of it landing directly on top of Peridot, Amethyst, and Steven, “Iunno, Lupsy, but from now on- ROCK!”

 

Lapis suddenly looks forward, and sees that she is heading straight towards a giant rock. She crashes into it and Pearl and Lapis both **DIE.**

 

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry once again.


End file.
